In case you missed it, there’s a Battle of the Divas going on in the media right now. Mothra Madonna is evidently trying to throw down with Mariah Carey to see who’s the most popular. Which means that it’s time to either take sides or get out of the way … and I want to take this opportunity to officially throw the weight of the world’s largest animal rights organization (that’s us) behind our girl Mariah, with whom—to use the immortal words of Ol’ Dirty Bastard (RIP)—we go back like babies and pacifiers. Here’s my argument for why Mariah blows Madonna out of the water in this competition:

1. When a Russian tycoon gave Mariah Carey a pair of outrageously expensive fur coats in a misguided attempt to show her what a big fan he was, she immediately donated the coats to PETA for us to give to the homeless. Roughly around the same time, Madonna was photographed trouncing around London in about $70,000 worth of dead chinchillas.
2. A whole lot more people are buying Mariah’s new album than are buying Madonna’s. Which kind of settles it, just in case my first point didn’t do the trick for you.

So there you have it. The forces of good prevail, while the groovy soundtrack of “Touch My Body” plays in the background. If you know of any other Diva competitions that need a’refereeing, just let me know. I’m always happy to help out.

Image credits: DailyMail, the-planets / CC

ninemsn / CC

Word on the street is that our old pal Madonna is getting geared up to adopt an Indian baby to comfort her in her dotage. While the prospect of a fur-flaunting Ciccone clone wreaking havoc on the animal world some years down the line is too dreadful to imagine, we’re taking a more optimistic approach: This kid’s going to need a whole lot of extra energy to put up with mom’s pop star antics, so we’re asking Madonna to give her a head start by adopting not only the child but the child’s country’s preferred way of eating: a healthy, high-energy vegetarian diet. Just one word from Lady Madonna and we’ll dispatch our on-staff chef to London on the Red Eye to give her kitchen staff a crash course in how to prepare mashed peas and carrots and fruit compote for the kid and fabulous vegan fare, including Shepherd’s pie and Eggplant Biryani for the rest of the family.

So whaddaya say, Madge? We’ll even pony up some names for your new animal-friendly progeny that will go well with that whole spiritual, neo-hippie vibe you’ve got going on. I’m thinking something like Chickpea Ciccone. Or how about Ethereal Girl? If anyone else has some suggestions, feel free to weigh in.

This Monday, Morrissey played a sold-out show at the Norva, a few blocks from PETA HQ here in Norfolk, Virginia. I tried, desperately, to get tickets—but that's another story. According to my more fortunate colleagues who did attend the show, Morrissey stopped three songs in and announced, to thunderous applause, that he was "very gratified." He continued, “You haven’t even heard what I’m gratified about yet. I’m very gratified to be so close to the international headquarters of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.” The audience responded with enthusiastic cheers, which is a good sign that Morrissey's fans are all either exceptionally animal-friendly or just very polite. But the best part of the show came near the end, when Morrissey started riffing on Madonna and her fondness for fur:

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that African boy into a coat and wore him … for 15 minutes, and then threw it away.”

Zing! The story found its way onto VH1's The Sizzler last night—you can check that out here.

Just in case you weren’t aware, our Morrissey’s a big fan of animals.

I'm not quite prepared to kiss and make up with Madonna after December's chinchilla coat debacle, but it does seem like she's beginning to make some efforts to quench her bloodlust a little bit—starting with a commitment to stop shooting at birds. Under the compassionate influence of her good friend Stella McCartney, Madonna has evidently decided to stop renting out her estate in Wilts for hunting parties; she had already given up hunting herself after one of the birds she had shot took a long time to die. As she put it:

"It wasn't dead. Blood was gushing from its mouth and it was struggling up this hill and I thought, 'Oh God, I did that. I haven't shot since."

Anyway, as I said, I'm not exactly ready to hold a parade in her honor yet, but this does seem like a promising start. As many of you probably know, I was recently named a co-winner of Time magazine's 2006 "Person of the Year" award, so I'm hoping that Madonna will pay more attention to me this time and give up the fur for good.

Look out, ladies and gentlemen, here comes Madonna. In a £35,000 chinchilla fur coat. For those of you doing the math, that means Madge needs to have more than 60 furry animals electrocuted just to keep her warm on a Wednesday night—which means that if you're planning on being anywhere near her U.K. residence this Christmas, you might want to hide your babies and your family pets. The story, such as it is, is that Madonna was spotted last Wednesday at a Mayfair restaurant called Cecconi's positively drowning in the dead animals, which had been sewn together for her by the designers at Fendi.

Why would anyone with a shred of decency ever consider wearing such a thing? The prevailing theory around here is that when it comes to making headlines, Madonna is just too old to flash her beaver like Britney Spears, so she brought out the chinchilla. (Oh, zing! See what I did there?)

Anyway, we fired off a letter to her this morning to ask her to just for God's sake, stop it, and you can read that here. If you'd like to let her know how you feel yourself, you can contact her using the following information:

Liz Rosenberg (Madonna's US publicist)
liz.rosenberg@wbr.com

Barbara Charone (Madonna's UK publicist)
bc@mbcpr.com