Click to see Joel’s OMMA Bio

Earlier this year, when I announced that I was, officially, the greatest Dr. Mario player in history, my good friend Joel Bartlett was completely unimpressed. But now that the folks at OMMA magazine have decided to name him one of their “Rising Stars”, he’s acting as if it’s suddenly just the coolest thing to be officially recognized for doing what you do best.

Joel, whom regular readers will know from his often rather lowbrow but occasionally inspired posts on this very blog, is the brains behind PETA’s online marketing strategy, and—to be fair—OMMA (which stands for Online Media Marketing and Advertising) magazine were right on in recognizing him for his work. Because he really is infuriatingly talented. Here’s what they said:

"In his five years at PETA, Joel has used his online marketing savvy to throw haterade on the Olsen twins, flaunt some sexy vegetarians and boost PETA's advocacy campaign participation by 90 percent last year alone. But he's particularly fond of "Super Chick Sisters," PETA's online video game spoof, for "calling kfc out for the company's abusive practices, like cutting off chickens' sensitive beaks, all while staying fun."

It takes a few seconds to fill out their webform, but the full OMMA article is definitely worth checking out if you’re interested in marketing, PETA, Joel, or all of the above. In the meantime, since this post is rapidly degenerating into a Joel Bartlett lovefest, I figured I’d just give in and congratulate him myself. He may never be quite as skilled as I am at medicine-themed, 8-bit Nintendo games, but the guy is unbelievably good at what he does, and he deserves the hell out of this recognition. Nice work, JB.

-Jack

First of all, Happy New Year! Joel’s reign of terror over this blog has officially come to an end now that I’m back from vacation, so the PETA Files will be starting off the New Year with a return to the high-brow intellectual discussions, the lyrical prose style, and the rigorous grammatical standards that you may have missed in my absence.

I had actually been planning a whole long post devoted to making fun of Joel, but while I was skimming through his entries in search of material, I came across this little masterpiece, which made me change my mind. It may well be the most insightful, eloquent, and informative entry to appear on the PETA Files all year. So a big thank you to Joel for running the show last week—I should probably take vacations more often.

In other news, if you’re in New Year's resolution mode like I am, you should definitely check out PETA’s New Year's pledges to help animals. Whether it’s making an effort to buy cruelty-free products, taking more time to get active for animals, or cutting the eggs and dairy out of your diet, every little thing you do can make a big difference—and now is the perfect time to make the changes that you may have been putting off. For my part, I’m going to set aside more time to hang out with my friend Princess Cuteyface. And be nicer to Joel.

-Jack

That’s right, folks—I am taking a week off to spend Christmas with my family in DC. I’ll be back, refreshed (hopefully) and ready to go after the New Year, but in the meantime my good friend Joel Bartlett will be manning the blog, so don’t be too concerned if the high intellectual standards we have set here on the PETA Files flag a little bit during the next week—it’s only a temporary state of affairs. Joel will doubtless be keeping you up-to-the-minute on his favorite TV shows and, like, what he ate for dinner the night before, so keep checking for the new entries, and try your hardest to hang on until I’m back again in January. Happy Holidays!

Joel Bartlett with Waffles

Joel Bartlett with Battleaxe

I’m going to be in DC tomorrow, standing naked outside the British embassy painted like a British flag along with PETA members from seven other nations who will be reminding Britain that the “world is watching” while the nation condones the cruel slaughter of black bears for the Queen’s Guards’ silly ceremonial hats. Embarrassing as all this is for me, the real purpose of this post is to say that the PETA Files will be in the capable hands of my good friend Joel Bartlett during my absence tomorrow, so please treat him nice and try to bear with him if he goes off on long tangents about Star Trek or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (as he occasionally has a tendency to do).

And yes—I have a weird job. Wish me luck!

Joel Bartlett