For a minute there, we thought Jeremy "Mercury Poisoning" Piven was serious when he said that he gave up soy milk for fear that it would give him "moobs."

I mean, come on, everybody knows that cow's milk—not soy milk—is the real culprit behind man boobs, right? According to Harvard scientist Ganmaa Davaasambuu, cow's milk "contains considerable amounts of female sex hormones"—especially milk from factory-farmed cows who are kept almost constantly pregnant. She estimates that dairy products account for 60 to 80 percent of the estrogens consumed by the average person.

But wait—there's more! Factory-farmed cows are commonly fed bovine growth hormone in order to stimulate their bodies to produce more milk. Hormone-treated cow's milk contains high levels of Insulin Growth Factor (IGF-1), which studies show can cause the dreaded gynecomastia (moobs). Milk consumption, with all its accompanying hormones, has also been linked to prostate cancer and breast cancer.

So, boys, if you're worried about maintaining your manly physique, pour some soy (or rice or almond) milk on your cereal—and pour the moob juice down the drain.

Posted by Alisa Mullins

eonline / CC

Whether he's playing snarky talent agent Ari on Entourage or starring in blockbusters like Rock 'n Rolla and Smokin' Aces, we think Emmy Award–winning actor Jeremy Piven is fantastic … but something tells me that sea kittens might have another opinion.

Piven had to cut his Broadway performance short recently when doctors advised him to stay off the stage because of his body's high level of mercury. Could it be sea kitten–related? Not sure, but whatever it is, sounds to me like Jeremy needs a little advice.

So, we're going to send him a little vegetarian-friendly care package. After all, in Norfolk, we know whereof we speak: We even have a local restaurant that serves faux fish tacos! They have all the taste with none of the fin or heavy metals. Plus, sea kittens feel pain just as much as dogs, cats, and I do, thanks to our similar central nervous systems.

Mercury poisoning, which is linked to the consumption of sea kittens, can cause severe health problems for humans, including brain damage, memory loss, personality change, and tremors. Now, I like Ari just the way he is—so please Jer, ditch the fish!

We've got some fantastic faux-fish recipes so everyone can get in on the act.

So here's hoping Jeremy does what's right … for his health, for the environment, and for all the sea kittens of the world.

Posted by Christine Doré