It's a gloomy day here in Norfolk. My coffee mug is empty, my pumpkin–chocolate-chip muffins are all gone, and the "News of the Weird" folder in my in-box is overflowing. You're probably wondering what kind of news could be classified as "weird" by an organization that has proposed that Ben and Jerry's should use human breast milk for its ice cream. Read on to find out about the weird stuff—and more!

• Happy "Hug a Vegetarian" Day!
• Sometimes it's just easier to express yourself through song and dance. See Exhibit A: this rap video, which was recorded by a PETAKids member. I wonder how long it took to find a rhyme for "gestation crates" ….
• Bizarre ice-breaker …. It turns out that two-thirds of Americans would rather be stranded on a desert island with their animal companion than their human partner. (Recalling a few of my exes, I wholeheartedly agree.)
• Boy attacked by raptor. No, not Jurassic Park 4. Thankfully.
• Tzipi Livni, potentially the next prime minister of Israel, is a vegetarian. Rock on.
• Bottom-sniffing, anyone?
• Long Island Business News came out to see an activist-led KFC demo last week and created an awesome video blog about it.
• A new human study shows that the flavonoids in a small square of dark (not milk!) chocolate each day can protect you from heart disease. Vegans and chocoholics, rejoice!

That chocolate study definitely made me feel better about eating a whopping four of those pumpkin–chocolate-chip muffins—whew! I guess I'll go refill my coffee mug, plow through my in-box, and hurry home to forward that rap video and animal birth control ad to all my MySpace peeps.

Posted by Sean Conner

Some blogs are just too cool for a cohesive theme. Internet Soup is a perfect example of that. Here are all the bits and pieces we've been meaning to share with you. Without further ado, here's your steaming serving of interweb goodness!

1. Do rising gas prices bother you? Do women who insist on wearing more than bikinis bother you? Finally, we cooked up an eye-catching, pro-vegetarian demonstration to address these pressing concerns.


2. I'm wondering if we should start an "Animal Control Gone Horribly Wrong" series. Installment two could be about a man who tried to spray his apartment for bugs but somehow managed to blow it up instead. Now all we need is someone to tase himself or herself while trying to apply a homemade shock collar to a dog.


3. This horseback riding simulator seems like a pretty cute idea, but even my not-quite-heterosexual self would prefer to go see girls on the mechanical bull in a downtown bar.


4. On the other side of the world (from me, anyway), PETA Asia-Pacific is taking on Burberry, with bronze-, silver-, and gold-painted animal champions telling passersby about where Burberry stands on fur.


5. Apparently even the folks at The New Yorker sympathize a bit with the lobster liberation movement. If only real lobsters were so lucky …


6. What happens when a non-native fish species gets transported, dumped in foreign waters, and thrives? Native populations are devastated and the local ecosystem lurches out of control—just like how lionfish are wreaking havoc on the East Coast.


7. Last, but certainly not least, we now have the coolest pop-culture icon ever on board with our KFC campaign. Who better to tell the Colonel what's what than the "master" of compassionate reflection, The Zen Master?

While you folks digest all that, I'll be getting back to checking humor blogs work and probably researching how I can easily identify/avoid lionfish, which have now officially displaced zombies as my number one perceived infestation threat.

Posted by Sean Conner

What better way to celebrate Friday at the office than with a little Internet soup? Much like good minestrone is made when you clear out produce from your fridge, today's mix is a jumble of bits and pieces that I've been meaning to share but haven't gotten around to 'cause I'm a wee bit busy saving animals.

1. If fire ants were to play Oregon Trail, they'd insist on fording the river. Way cool and way scary.


2. This "disassembly plant" worker documentary shows why anyone with an inkling of love for their fellow man should rethink eating drumsticks.


3. "I was laughing so hard, I was barely able to strap him to a table, drill a hole in his skull, [and] insert electrical probes into his cerebral cortex to monitor pain responses …." Sigh.


4. "Oh, what beautiful cupcakes you made for the reception! What is your secret to making such divine icing?" "Simple! Confectioner's sugar, soy milk, and beetle."


5. Now delivery of your first-class and priority packages can be powered by tofu. (Note: They're not flavored—I checked.)


6. Ever wondered how to live in harmony with so-called "pest" species (the ones we haven't succeeded in killing off)? Or perhaps just fantasized about minions collecting pocket change for you? Voila!


7. Just when you thought Yum! Brands couldn't get any lower: new "feed bag" meals for the overweight animal-eater on the go!

Enjoy the soupy goodness! And go make friends with some crows before they organize and take over the world! I think I'll go see if I can put The Birds in my Netflix queue …

Posted by Sean Conner

Yes, yes, y’all. It’s soup time. By which I mean, it’s Friday afternoon, and I’ve more or less run out of coherent things to say and am reduced to starting units of thought with phrases like “Yes, yes, y’all”. For which I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

But back to the task at hand. I’d like to offer you my personal guarantee that all of the links below have been given the official PETA Files Seal of Approval. This means that every video, article, or other webpage contained therein has at some point or other been deemed by me or someone I know to be at least mildly interesting, amusing, or otherwise edifying. Or, translated into plain English, “Click at your own risk.” Here goes:

1. Henri is a haunted cat.
2. “You’re probably having a lot of new feelings, and … urges. And that’s … normal.”
3. There was some debate in the office about whether this one was brilliant or heavyhanded. I imagine it’s a bit of both.
4. If real life were more like Facebook, there would be a good deal more poking. Which would work out quite well for us in Sweden.
5. One more reason to love Deadspin. The apropros-of-nothing Lettuce Lady shots during NHL commentary.
6. Superfans of Sir Paul can feel free to sign this petition someone sent me.
7. Not to be a downer all of a sudden, but this was seriously the most depressing thing I’ve read all week.
8. Gold star to those smooth-talking scholars over at peta2 for sponsoring a sorority formal. I guess my invite got lost in the intra-office mail?
9. Thanks to Copyranter for emblazoning this image on my mind. As he points out, some people just do our job for us.
10. Famous PETA anti-fur ads, um, reenvisioned.
11. And finally, I’ve had this BBC article in my Inbox for almost a full year now, and I may even have linked to it before, but for some reason I’m completely in love with the scientist’s quote about the origins of the domestic cat. There’s just something so beautifully absurd about it (for best results, try reading in a British accent).

    "The Felidae family is well known as a successful predator - very deadly, very ferocious, very threatening to all species including humankind," said co-author Stephen O'Brien, of the US National Cancer Institute. "But this little guy actually chose not to be that," he said. "He actually chose to be a little bit friendly and also was a very good mouser."

Thank you, Stephen O’Brien. And with that, this week’s edition of Internet Soup comes to an end. For those of you who are still casting about for utterly inane things to do on the Web, perhaps you’d like to join my ill-fated and ill-thought-out campaign to save the subjunctive. Any takers?

-Jack

That’s right, it’s time for another arbitrary assortment of at least tangentially animal-related links that I’m too lazy to write a full post about. Actually, that doesn’t sound very appealing at all. Ladies and gentlemen, a very warm welcome to this week’s Internet Soup—a wild and wacky collection of the latest animal rights news, videos, and photos painstakingly researched by everybody’s favorite PETA blogger* and served up piping hot with a pithy little introduction that’s guaranteed to tantalize and amuse! Here we go:

1. Your long search for animal-friendly body frosting is finally over!
2. I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out that chimps are better at remembering stuff than I am, but do they have better memories than all of us?
3. If you wouldn’t hunt a muppet, please don’t hunt any animals.
4. This crow and kitten are fast friends. The whole thing is just nauseatingly cute.
5. Cameroon gorillas return home.
6. Ingrid Newkirk interviews with the Environmental News Network.
7. PETA’s lettuce ladies are everywhere. Check out this pic from the Barry Bonds trial.

Hopefully that’ll be enough to tide you over through the weekend, and if you’re in the mood for something a little more arcane, you can always check out my fictional blog—a little slice of the 17th century that my closest friends have described as “completely unreadable.”

And finally, we’re going to be doing a bit of maintenance on the ol’ blog this weekend, so the comments may be down for a little while, but everything will be up and running by Monday. Have a good weekend!

*That’s right, Amy and Karen. I said it.

I just started reading this hilarious blog called Teddy Wisdom. Heard of it? I’ve been passing it around the office, and my friend Joel has launched a new, albeit fictional, PETA affiliate called PETSA: People for the Ethical Tretment of Stuffed Animals.

In other urgent Internet news:

PETA is an answer to a question in this wedding quiz thingy.

Check out this painting with a question, then go save some seals.

In case you ever run into a Trivial Pursuit question asking which barnyard animal is most similar to the UN, the answer is chickens. Now you know.

Why can’t people get these instead of those hideous betta fish?

It doesn’t exactly have to do with animals, but this is among my all-time favorite pieces of internet folklore. Whatever. Leprechauns need love too.

I’m glad I'm vegetarian because the cows are effing pissed.

That's all I've got right now, but let me leave you to meditate with the the gentle camels of Peaceful Camel Valley . . .