• Exhibit A: Veggie alien ponders its victim.
• Upping the creepiness—Newsweek offers further evidence that murderers often torture animals before moving on to human victims.
• More sad than frightening is my latest guilty pleasure: Beatles tunes remixed doggie-style. Goodness!
• Arachnophobes take heart! A jumping vegetarian spider was just discovered. Does "newly discovered" also indicate more highly evolved? Methinks yes.
• Rodeos are always an epic FAIL. At this one, a bull showed compassionless spectators how it feels to be humiliated—and it's HILARIOUS!
• Many zoos mistreat animals; others deceive visitors. With all its zebras dead of starvation after a siege earlier this year, somebody at the Marah Land Zoo in Gaza City has gotten a wee bit carried away with the hair dye …
• Chris Rock's comment "What the hell did Michael Vick do? Pitbulls ain't even real dogs!" has hurt my heart for weeks now. Thinking of all the abused pits we see on straw delivery and how his comment only stands to empower their abusers, I'm very happy that Richard Pryor's wife isn't letting him get away with it!
• P.S. For y'all who didn't know, Richard Pryor was an absolute angel to animals.
• Switching over to cooing, monkey mommies make googly eyes at their bambinos too!
• Always ending on a cute note, this little piggy thinks she's a doggie.

That's the haps, y'all. Catch ya next month!

Posted by Missy Lane

• Warning! Seals can literally cute you to death.
• Kiddies catch E. coli from petting zoo. Animals unnaturally held captive. Why is this still appealing?
• "Clucking" mad at KFC? I bet that's why this chicken wanders through its drive-through.
• The real Scorpion King creatively atones for his sins. Love this!
• Sesame Street reps tofu! The revolution is here!
• Lacking imagination and compassion, yet another "Elmer Fudd" accidentally shoots himself.
• Hug a Vegetarian Day is right around the corner. Show some love, y'all!
• This is both creepy and thought-provoking.

Thanks for stopping by! Catch you next time, and don't forget to hug all your vegetarian friends.

Posted by Missy Lane

Seeing as my brain is beginning to suffocate, it seems that taking a pause from work to surf the Interwebs is completely justifiable if I turn it into Internet soup. Right? OK, here goes:

• I need this as a bumper sticker.
• I just found the perfect bouquet to send to Ringling's CEO!
• If not for the tortured bulls, can't Colombia just ban bullfighting for the sake of jackasses?
• Lobster catchers in Maine have begun hunting each other. Maybe now Mainers will more easily relate to who's on their plate, eh?
• A bear and a fur hag walk into an Aspen fur shop…
• I just threw up in my mouth a little. Audi has hit a new low.
• Ending on a high note, I'd like to introduce the few of you who have yet to hear of her to my new homegirl Nora (hint: she's a famous piano player ;).

Thanks for letting me use you all as an excuse to shirk my work! Catch ya next time. :)

Posted by Missy Lane

• As if dairy products couldn't get any nastier, Coke is now bottling warm and fizzy cow nipple juice.
• Watch this heartwarming story and then pour out warm fuzzies on the first doggie you find.
• Hunter killed by wasps. Um, I'll just let you draw your own karmic conclusions.
• We told you that the Wienermobile should be laid to rest.
• Lookit! First, sea kittens, now, sea piggies.
• Check out Animal Planet's adorable message against eating meat.
• I wish my church did this.
• Call the bobbies! There's a hampstah in me floorboards!
• What a great PETA demo idea! Check out this human glue trap.
• The next time someone calls you a "birdbrain," tell 'em, "Thanks."
• And just to joke about the obvious …

Thanks for sampling from this month's schmorgisborg of Internet goodies. See you next time!

Posted by Missy Lane

• I feel guilty for laughing so hard at this.
• Not even kidding, it's a boxing feline!
• Vegan food delivered to my doorstep? Yes, please!
• Where'd the kitty go? Too cute!
• "Check returned due to insufficient ethics." Go NARN!
• Vegan cage fighter Mac Danzig will now kick ass in your living room!
• Check out momma bird's ingenuity.
• Who doesn't love a good chimp chuckle?

All fun and happy stuff for this edition. See you next time.

Posted by Missy Lane

• First up, the great animal escapes (so far) of 2009.



• Gordon "Jerkface" Ramsay gets owned by David Letterman. (skip to minute seven for the good stuff).



• On a lighter note, Sockington, the Twittering cat, is my homeboy.



• Speaking of cool cats on Twitter, we've got 20,000 of you as friends now!



• Well it's about time! KFC is no longer permitted to use the word "eat" in advertisements.



• It's like an undercover Sea Shepherd movie.



• Swine flu sucks—but it's nothing compared to having people kill and eat you and your friends.



• Good-looking West Point senior, triathlon champion, aaaaand vegan? Allow me to introduce Nick Sterghos.



• Animals are sentient, moral, and self-sacrificing beings. Read it here. Wipe the tears from your eyes, then forward it to Gordon Ramsay fans.

Posted by Missy Lane

• We've always said that dining under McDonald's Golden Arches could help send you up to the Pearly Gates sooner than you'd like.
• If you're a vegetarian and you live in New York, get ready to wear that compassion on your sleeve. Roll on down to the annual Veggie Pride Parade on Sunday, May 17.
• Yet another reason not to let your cat outside unsupervised. For a list of other reasons, click it.
• The callous reality of our first family's not-so-good decision. Please, never buy an animal. Only adopt.
• What a fantastic interactive teaching tool! With just a simple click, you're reminded that the power to help put an end to slaughterhouse cruelty is right there in your hands.
• Think that eating eggs is at least a little better than eating chicken? Take this virtual stroll through a battery cage and then tell me how you feel.
• The meat industry seems to be stealing a page from the Nazis' playbook.
• To recover from that last bit: Noah—a one-legged pigeon—has adopted three orphaned baby bunnies.

The last story has had me cooing all morning. Precious! Thanks for hanging out, y'all!

Posted by Missy Lane

It's sunny again here in Norfolk, Virginia—a welcome change after a week of gloomy skies and muddy shoes. Speaking of shoes, a few ladies around the office (yours truly included) are beginning the official "Hot Vegan Shoe Parade" here at work. And the competition is fierce! I'll keep you posted.

In the spirit of distracting you, let's get down to the task at hand: to collect as many weird animal-related things as we can and throw them into the pot for Internet Soup. Let's begin, shall we?

• First up: a meowing couch.
• Folks are swearing off ham sandwiches after watching this. I want a "Kingsford Is My Homeboy" T-shirt!
• A mother's love has no limit.
• I never thought you'd hear this from me, but I want a mounted moose head for my living room.
• At last, the creepy sea kitten pedicure era has ended in Florida.
• Runners of the world, go vegan! I hear others have lost minutes off their race time.
• The next time you're booking a trip to Mongolia, check out this awesome vegetarian-friendly travel agent.
• Hens (and vegans) rejoice: Boca will go egg-free by the end of the year!
• Another reason to love Victoria's Secret (as if the sexy lingerie weren't enough): vegan body-care products!

Well, golly jeepers. This covered quite a variety of issues. I'll leave you now, as you have a load of links to explore. I must attend to the serious business of shopping for ammunition to dominate the vegan shoe war. Oh, it is on, Campaigns Department. Brang it!

Posted by Missy Lane

For this month's installment of shortcuts to cool stuff, we're gettin' vloggy with it. For you, our discerning PETA Files readers, we've arranged a video bouquet of fun foibles and freaky Fakin'. (OK, the Fakin' part isn't really a video, but it is freaky.) Dig in!

• Get ready to take some notes, y'all. This video gives you the ammo you need to look like a genius in any vivisection debate.


• Two French vignettes: une angst-filled chicken memorial et une puckish sea-kitten goes punkin'.


• Disturbing in its beauty, behold … The Fakin Explosion.


• Hey, yo, Armani! I defy you to take a look at this pweciousness and not melt into a baby-voice babbling stupor.


• This is genius. Joshua Katcher, aka "The Discerning Brute," lures unsuspecting furwearers in SoHo into his scheme to embarrass the insensitive arrogance right out of them.

I'm still reeling from that last video. Happy Friday, y'all.

Posted by Missy Lane

Happy Friday, y'all! Starting off with our first bite of soup, I'll offer you a taste of something that I'll never get tired of hearing about:

• In the 80s we convinced the USDA to fine a laboratory in which a number of chimpanzees "lived." The chimpanzees would spend the majority of their 30 years on earth inside cages, locked in a basement with barely any light. We've worked on the case since then, and things have slowly moved forward. Here's the heart-melting part: They're now breathing the fresh air at the Chimpanzee Sanctuary Northwest in Seattle. Here's a video of some of the chimpanzees from that laboratory reacting to their first snowfall.



• Now, for more fun stuff: It's a duck in a truck. This here is a clip of a truck driver who's found the answer to world peace in his best friend, Frankie the duck.



• We at PETA get a big kick out of the genius of the lolcats. Their Web site, icanhascheezburger.com, could use a name change, but we'll let that slide for now as they've cooked up a lovely anti-fur ad.



• May I present a shining example of evil genius put to effective use? This cute and very twisted video game called Beefbash perfectly conveys the gruesomeness of meat by putting the electric prod and carving knife right into your hands. You even get to choose the adorable animal you butcher.



• Good news for pigs in Germany! Many male pigs will no longer be castrated before they are turned into food for a huge Dutch supermarket. Check out the story here.



• If your doctor tells you to go home and eat more fish, show him or her this article.



• And last but not least, if you're still angry enough to spit at the abuse that those chimpanzees who now live in Seattle used to endure, take a gander at this karma. The wee monkey actually kept going until the stick broke!

Well, that was quite a large serving this month, and it was quite satisfying, if I do say so myself! Now that you've had your fill, off you go.

Until next time!

Posted by Missy Lane

It's time for your monthly installment of bits and baubles plucked from the sticky fibers of the Web. We've got a quite an impressive offering for you this month, so let's dive right in, shall we?

• Oh! Usually you hear urban legends about heroic animals, but rarely are they filmed and put on the news. A dog rescues another dog who has been hit by a car on a highway. Check out the video and be prepared to become a sniffling mess.
• 'Tis the season to be warm, fuzzy, and adorable. Paging peta2! Our awesome youth division has one unforgettable Christmas mission that you absolutely need to see.
• Payback is hell, anyone? You won't even believe this article. Let's just say the hunter is in touch with karma.
• This article is too ridiculous for words: a couple thinks their leather couch is literally haunted. Well, if my friends and I were kidnapped, not fed for weeks, and forced to travel hundreds of miles in a boxcar; had chili pepper rubbed in our eyes to compel us to move once exhaustion set in; and were then killed—in front of each other—you'd best believe we'd haunt the ugly couch they made us into too—if only to rebuke the tasteless people who'd own such an item. Oh, good grief!
• In true PETA fashion, we find a hero and accidental activist employing a unique alternative to eating animals—using them to keep the streets safe instead …
• Wait, you do eat animals!? Better hope you don't have worms for brains! This lady does, and the doctors are saying that brain worms could be caused by consuming pork. What was that karma thing again?
• Have you bought one of every item on PETACatalog.org (I recommend the fancy vegan chocolates!), but still have questions about our quirky ways? Or you don't really know jack about us but would prefer the Cliff's Notes version over a whole documentary? Well look no further to satisfy your jones—here's the scoop on Ingrid and PETA, in slick Hollywood Access–style packaging.

Now that you've recharged with this warm bowl of Internet soup, off you go to the next snarky blog!

Posted by Missy Lane

How fun that this year Halloween falls on an Internet Soup Friday! Yes it's cheesy, but I so love the little last-day-of-school rush that I get on I.S. Fridays. It's like you've already turned in all your homework and extra credit, so while you're waiting for the bell to ring, you just go online (or, in my day, rummage through the teacher's desk) and look for weird and fun stuff. So at the end of an action-packed week of filing, here is our offering of oddities.

• Lucky New Yorkers! Catch the 6 Train and scuttle on down to Bleeker Street to catch the latest ingenious exhibit by my favorite street artist Banksy. (OK, I'm not hip enough to know of more than one graffiti artist, but I certainly adore this one!)


• Poultrygeist, the quintessential tacky vegan cult flick, is out on DVD.


• Animal friends are gettin' in on the Halloween action. (Or silly humans are just anthropomorphizing. Still cute, though.)


• Hey, dolphins in Malibu basically have the right to vote, so I'm not sure why this is so crazy.


• Oh! The most precious thing I've seen all week!


• Here are some photos of people who you don't know in Shandong, China, signing a petition against fur. Represent, y'all!


• And since we're all in the Halloween spirit, MSN did the world a favor and ranked Mars candy as some of the worst around. We couldn't agree more, because Mars Inc., ya know, tortures animals!

So that's the lot! We sure hope you've enjoyed these tidbits while avoiding real work. I'm off to put in my vegan wax fangs and witch hat. Tune in next time, and please feel free to let us know if you come across any cute or strange happenings that you'd like us to include.

Happy Halloween!

Posted by Missy Lane

It's a gloomy day here in Norfolk. My coffee mug is empty, my pumpkin–chocolate-chip muffins are all gone, and the "News of the Weird" folder in my in-box is overflowing. You're probably wondering what kind of news could be classified as "weird" by an organization that has proposed that Ben and Jerry's should use human breast milk for its ice cream. Read on to find out about the weird stuff—and more!

• Happy "Hug a Vegetarian" Day!
• Sometimes it's just easier to express yourself through song and dance. See Exhibit A: this rap video, which was recorded by a PETAKids member. I wonder how long it took to find a rhyme for "gestation crates" ….
• Bizarre ice-breaker …. It turns out that two-thirds of Americans would rather be stranded on a desert island with their animal companion than their human partner. (Recalling a few of my exes, I wholeheartedly agree.)
• Boy attacked by raptor. No, not Jurassic Park 4. Thankfully.
• Tzipi Livni, potentially the next prime minister of Israel, is a vegetarian. Rock on.
• Bottom-sniffing, anyone?
• Long Island Business News came out to see an activist-led KFC demo last week and created an awesome video blog about it.
• A new human study shows that the flavonoids in a small square of dark (not milk!) chocolate each day can protect you from heart disease. Vegans and chocoholics, rejoice!

That chocolate study definitely made me feel better about eating a whopping four of those pumpkin–chocolate-chip muffins—whew! I guess I'll go refill my coffee mug, plow through my in-box, and hurry home to forward that rap video and animal birth control ad to all my MySpace peeps.

Posted by Sean Conner

Some blogs are just too cool for a cohesive theme. Internet Soup is a perfect example of that. Here are all the bits and pieces we've been meaning to share with you. Without further ado, here's your steaming serving of interweb goodness!

1. Do rising gas prices bother you? Do women who insist on wearing more than bikinis bother you? Finally, we cooked up an eye-catching, pro-vegetarian demonstration to address these pressing concerns.


2. I'm wondering if we should start an "Animal Control Gone Horribly Wrong" series. Installment two could be about a man who tried to spray his apartment for bugs but somehow managed to blow it up instead. Now all we need is someone to tase himself or herself while trying to apply a homemade shock collar to a dog.


3. This horseback riding simulator seems like a pretty cute idea, but even my not-quite-heterosexual self would prefer to go see girls on the mechanical bull in a downtown bar.


4. On the other side of the world (from me, anyway), PETA Asia-Pacific is taking on Burberry, with bronze-, silver-, and gold-painted animal champions telling passersby about where Burberry stands on fur.


5. Apparently even the folks at The New Yorker sympathize a bit with the lobster liberation movement. If only real lobsters were so lucky …


6. What happens when a non-native fish species gets transported, dumped in foreign waters, and thrives? Native populations are devastated and the local ecosystem lurches out of control—just like how lionfish are wreaking havoc on the East Coast.


7. Last, but certainly not least, we now have the coolest pop-culture icon ever on board with our KFC campaign. Who better to tell the Colonel what's what than the "master" of compassionate reflection, The Zen Master?

While you folks digest all that, I'll be getting back to checking humor blogs work and probably researching how I can easily identify/avoid lionfish, which have now officially displaced zombies as my number one perceived infestation threat.

Posted by Sean Conner

What better way to celebrate Friday at the office than with a little Internet soup? Much like good minestrone is made when you clear out produce from your fridge, today's mix is a jumble of bits and pieces that I've been meaning to share but haven't gotten around to 'cause I'm a wee bit busy saving animals.

1. If fire ants were to play Oregon Trail, they'd insist on fording the river. Way cool and way scary.


2. This "disassembly plant" worker documentary shows why anyone with an inkling of love for their fellow man should rethink eating drumsticks.


3. "I was laughing so hard, I was barely able to strap him to a table, drill a hole in his skull, [and] insert electrical probes into his cerebral cortex to monitor pain responses …." Sigh.


4. "Oh, what beautiful cupcakes you made for the reception! What is your secret to making such divine icing?" "Simple! Confectioner's sugar, soy milk, and beetle."


5. Now delivery of your first-class and priority packages can be powered by tofu. (Note: They're not flavored—I checked.)


6. Ever wondered how to live in harmony with so-called "pest" species (the ones we haven't succeeded in killing off)? Or perhaps just fantasized about minions collecting pocket change for you? Voila!


7. Just when you thought Yum! Brands couldn't get any lower: new "feed bag" meals for the overweight animal-eater on the go!

Enjoy the soupy goodness! And go make friends with some crows before they organize and take over the world! I think I'll go see if I can put The Birds in my Netflix queue …

Posted by Sean Conner

Yes, yes, y’all. It’s soup time. By which I mean, it’s Friday afternoon, and I’ve more or less run out of coherent things to say and am reduced to starting units of thought with phrases like “Yes, yes, y’all”. For which I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

But back to the task at hand. I’d like to offer you my personal guarantee that all of the links below have been given the official PETA Files Seal of Approval. This means that every video, article, or other webpage contained therein has at some point or other been deemed by me or someone I know to be at least mildly interesting, amusing, or otherwise edifying. Or, translated into plain English, “Click at your own risk.” Here goes:

1. Henri is a haunted cat.
2. “You’re probably having a lot of new feelings, and … urges. And that’s … normal.”
3. There was some debate in the office about whether this one was brilliant or heavyhanded. I imagine it’s a bit of both.
4. If real life were more like Facebook, there would be a good deal more poking. Which would work out quite well for us in Sweden.
5. One more reason to love Deadspin. The apropros-of-nothing Lettuce Lady shots during NHL commentary.
6. Superfans of Sir Paul can feel free to sign this petition someone sent me.
7. Not to be a downer all of a sudden, but this was seriously the most depressing thing I’ve read all week.
8. Gold star to those smooth-talking scholars over at peta2 for sponsoring a sorority formal. I guess my invite got lost in the intra-office mail?
9. Thanks to Copyranter for emblazoning this image on my mind. As he points out, some people just do our job for us.
10. Famous PETA anti-fur ads, um, reenvisioned.
11. And finally, I’ve had this BBC article in my Inbox for almost a full year now, and I may even have linked to it before, but for some reason I’m completely in love with the scientist’s quote about the origins of the domestic cat. There’s just something so beautifully absurd about it (for best results, try reading in a British accent).

    "The Felidae family is well known as a successful predator - very deadly, very ferocious, very threatening to all species including humankind," said co-author Stephen O'Brien, of the US National Cancer Institute. "But this little guy actually chose not to be that," he said. "He actually chose to be a little bit friendly and also was a very good mouser."

Thank you, Stephen O’Brien. And with that, this week’s edition of Internet Soup comes to an end. For those of you who are still casting about for utterly inane things to do on the Web, perhaps you’d like to join my ill-fated and ill-thought-out campaign to save the subjunctive. Any takers?

-Jack

That’s right, it’s time for another arbitrary assortment of at least tangentially animal-related links that I’m too lazy to write a full post about. Actually, that doesn’t sound very appealing at all. Ladies and gentlemen, a very warm welcome to this week’s Internet Soup—a wild and wacky collection of the latest animal rights news, videos, and photos painstakingly researched by everybody’s favorite PETA blogger* and served up piping hot with a pithy little introduction that’s guaranteed to tantalize and amuse! Here we go:

1. Your long search for animal-friendly body frosting is finally over!
2. I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out that chimps are better at remembering stuff than I am, but do they have better memories than all of us?
3. If you wouldn’t hunt a muppet, please don’t hunt any animals.
4. This crow and kitten are fast friends. The whole thing is just nauseatingly cute.
5. Cameroon gorillas return home.
6. Ingrid Newkirk interviews with the Environmental News Network.
7. PETA’s lettuce ladies are everywhere. Check out this pic from the Barry Bonds trial.

Hopefully that’ll be enough to tide you over through the weekend, and if you’re in the mood for something a little more arcane, you can always check out my fictional blog—a little slice of the 17th century that my closest friends have described as “completely unreadable.”

And finally, we’re going to be doing a bit of maintenance on the ol’ blog this weekend, so the comments may be down for a little while, but everything will be up and running by Monday. Have a good weekend!

*That’s right, Amy and Karen. I said it.

I just started reading this hilarious blog called Teddy Wisdom. Heard of it? I’ve been passing it around the office, and my friend Joel has launched a new, albeit fictional, PETA affiliate called PETSA: People for the Ethical Tretment of Stuffed Animals.

In other urgent Internet news:

PETA is an answer to a question in this wedding quiz thingy.

Check out this painting with a question, then go save some seals.

In case you ever run into a Trivial Pursuit question asking which barnyard animal is most similar to the UN, the answer is chickens. Now you know.

Why can’t people get these instead of those hideous betta fish?

It doesn’t exactly have to do with animals, but this is among my all-time favorite pieces of internet folklore. Whatever. Leprechauns need love too.

I’m glad I'm vegetarian because the cows are effing pissed.

That's all I've got right now, but let me leave you to meditate with the the gentle camels of Peaceful Camel Valley . . .