Starting with Tricky Dick, every president in office has issued proclamations supporting America's "sportsmen and women," i.e. wildlife killers. President Obama recently followed suit by naming September 26 "National Hunting and Fishing Day."

In response, PETA president Ingrid E. Newkirk has asked President Obama to declare a "National Wildlife Amnesty Day" in honor of the 95 percent of us who prefer to shoot wildlife with cameras, not guns. That's right: Only a puny 5 percent of Americans stalk, maim, and slaughter deer, bears, and other animals—and many former fishers have cast their rods aside after learning that fish sea kittens feel pain.

Folks, "wildlife management" and "conservation" are euphemisms used to describe programs that ensure inflated numbers of animals for hunters to harass, maim, and kill. If left alone, animal populations would regulate their own numbers. Those who truly care about wildlife donate money to save habitats—without expecting a dead body as a trophy in return.

I can think of a handful of descriptors for these men, but "conservationists" isn't one of them.

Posted by Karin Bennett

1019rxp / CC

Aerosmith's oldie album, Toys in the Attic, includes a naughty number, "Big Ten Inch Record," which fans suspect wasn't really about a record. For decades, many listeners have wondered if a certain band, er, member was the inspiration for the song.

Well, after a recent interview with the pro-hunting rag-azine, Outside Living, I think we can all agree that the song is not about Aerosmith's Joe Perry.

In the interview, Perry said, "(Hunting) really gives you a great opportunity to keep in touch with reality," to which PETA Senior Vice President Lisa Lange shot right back, "People who take out their aggressions and frustrations on helpless animals are usually compensating for other shortcomings in their life." She added, "We don't know how Joe measures up, but it's interesting that he seems to feel so satisfied when he's handling long phallic-looking weapons."

Now that I know Joe Perry likes to harass and shoot helpless animals for "fun," I'll forever hum out loud another oldie whenever I see his mug. It goes, "Ding-a-ling …"

Posted by Karin Bennett

destination360 / CC

Somewhere between the golden cartoon age of Bugs Bunny and the pop-centric youth culture of Hannah Montana, a few television networks thought it would be a grand idea to start airing fishing and hunting shows on Saturday mornings—during that crucial time slot when impressionable children in pajamas slurp soymilk from bowls of cereal and stare wide-eyed at the tube.

Teaching kids that cruelty to animals is acceptable can have a long-lasting and deadly effect. Remember "Son of Sam," Jeffrey Dahmer, and the "Boston Strangler"? These individuals, like most serial killers, each had a history of abusing and killing animals. So, we've sent several network TV stations a letter requesting that they remove hunting and fishing programs from their Saturday morning line-ups, on the basis that those programs glorify violence toward animals and should certainly not be airing at a time when children could stumble upon them.

To paraphrase good ol' Bugs, "What's up with that, Doc?"

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky

greglasley / CC

While the Western cottonmouth usually preys on small warm-blooded animals, this spring, during mating season, these venomous snakes may be going after a different type of quarry: small-minded, cold-blooded Missouri duck hunters.

Rumor has it that water blinds (duck hunters' huts that are camouflaged to look like the water) in Oregon, Howell, Carter, Pulaski, Phelps, Wayne, Pemiscot, Mississippi, Scott, and Stoddard counties have been sprayed with the pheromones of female cottonmouths. The pheromones, taken from excrement evacuated from the cottonmouth's cloacal chamber, are guaranteed to attract aggressive males looking for some tail. I'm not a herpetologist, but I'm guessing that these randy reptiles are going to be pretty ticked-off when their booty call turns out to be a couple of dudes dressed like bushes.

So how can duck hunters avoid being bitten or, God forbid, part of a coital coil? We suggest that they hang up hunting and consider taking up golf or baseball instead. If they don't, then I agree with my friend and PETA's waterfowl specialist Hans Offdemall when he says, "PETA opposes gun violence, so when a 250-pound man hides on the water so that he can blow to pieces one of a bonded pair of 1-pound birds, we think that he should get a taste of his own medicine."

Posted by Amy Elizabeth

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wildlifedepartment / CC
Hopefully, young hunters such as this one will be banned from hunting in Pennsylvania.

Last Friday, an 11-year-old Wampum, Pennsylvania, boy allegedly picked up his youth-model 20-gauge shotgun and shot his father's pregnant girlfriend as she slept. The boy, Jordan Brown, had received the gun as a Christmas gift from his father, who was reportedly teaching the child to hunt in the woods surrounding their rural home.

This wouldn't be the first time that a kid who had been schooled in the ways of snuffing out wildlife turned his gun on another human being—and it almost certainly won't be the last. Remember 13-year-old Mitchell Johnson and 11-year-old Andrew Golden of Jonesboro, Arkansas? In 1998, they took the hunting guns belonging to Andrew's grandfather—who had taught Andrew to hunt—and used them to ambush their fellow students, killing four girls and one teacher. In her book, Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings, Katherine Newman writes that the young killers "dressed in camouflage clothing, exactly as Andrew did when he went hunting. … From across the field, their classmates and teachers seemed less like the human beings they went to school with than like quarry to be killed."

In 2006, the Pennsylvania Game Commission announced the creation of the Mentored Youth Hunting Program, "to encourage more young people to take up hunting to increase hunter numbers." In the wake of last week's tragic shooting, we've written to the governor of Pennsylvania, urging him to ban all hunting by children under the age of 18. You can read our letter here.

Not everyone who stalks and kills animals will stalk and kill a human. But every time a person picks up a gun, aims it at another living being, and fires, it must deaden a piece of his or her heart. Children have a natural affinity for animals, yet we hand them guns and teach them to be killers. Can we be surprised, then, when these children direct that violence at others?

Posted by Paula Moore

farm2 / CC

Ah, the Palins. One endless reservoir of public mishaps and cavalier insensitivity toward animals. They provide all the cathartic benefits of reality TV, minus the guilt of feeling shallow, since it's on CNN.

Well, in an effort to help safeguard the innocence of youth against merciless animal slaughter, we've sent the newest addition to the Palin clan an adorable care package of compassionate goodies. Sarah's first grandchild Tripp will receive an assortment of cute animal-friendly kid gear, and his young mom Bristol will receive Ingrid's new book, One Can Make a Difference, as well as her classic 50 Awesome Ways Kids Can Help Animals.

Seeing as the little guy probably won't be learning any empathetic values from his aerial-hunting grandparents, we're hoping our small effort will help light the way toward a more conscientious path. And with his pedigree, we think he'll need all the assistance he can get! Click here to read our full letter to Bristol Palin.

For those of you who are still too repulsed at the thought of this family's heartless ways to share in our goodwill toward them just yet, we've got something in our bag for you too. Trot on over to our latest holiday video game. In it you can hurl virtual snowballs at a certain bikini-clad, gun-toting maverick. Enjoy!

Posted by Missy Lane

pbase / CC

A new report by the auto insurance–funded Highway Loss Data Institute finds that fatalities in collisions between vehicles and animals—mostly deer—have more than doubled in the last 15 years. Hunters are undoubtedly tripping all over themselves in the hope of using this to rationalize killing even more animals—but we believe that the blame for this crisis falls on their shoulders.

You see, hunting increases deer populations. Deer are masters of managing their own populations if left alone to judge how much food is available to sustain their herd size. Pregnant does have been known to reabsorb fetuses if a sharp winter deprives them of the nourishment to sustain a fawn. But, in hunted populations, does are more likely to have twins rather than single fawns (or none), and are more likely to reproduce at a younger age.

The state agencies that are responsible for wildlife "management" know this, of course—but they've allied themselves with hunters, who want there to be more living targets, not fewer!

So, instead of setting up chemo-sterilization programs or letting the deer figure things out naturally, "game" management agencies deliberately do things like destroying the deer's forest homes by clear-cutting in order to increase the amount of vegetation for the deer to eat, and planting browse in order to fool the deer into increasing their populations. These programs help to ensure that there are plenty of animals for these officials and their bloodthirsty buddies to kill as well as plenty of revenue from the sale of hunting licenses.

When hunting seasons make the deer's ever-shrinking territories into war zones, the deer find themselves constantly on the run—and in their panic they often jump right into roadways. A study of collisions between deer and vehicles in Pennsylvania found that the opening day and opening Saturday of deer-hunting season are "[t]wo of the most dangerous days to drive." And the deer have good reason to be fearful: A British study of deer hunting found that more than 10 percent of deer who are killed by hunters had to be shot multiple times before they died—and that some wounded deer suffered for more than 15 minutes before dying. We suspect the situation is far worse in the good ole U.S. of A.

There is a lot of work to be done to help protect deer and other wildlife. And drivers should slow down and watch the road carefully during hunting seasons. Be aware that most of the time when a car hits a deer, the driver slowed down for one deer, and then sped up and hit another. In other words, if you see one deer, slow down and watch for the rest of the deer family.

So, if you hear someone try to justify hunting with the ludicrous line that "it helps animals," call them out with the facts.

Posted by Jeff Mackey

forestwildlife / CC

Murder is frightening business, but it is even more chilling perhaps when the crime is allegedly committed by a child who is not even old enough to grasp the consequences of the deed. Vincent Romero and Timothy Romans of Arizona were reportedly killed by Romero's 8-year-old son using a rifle much like the one that Romero had used to teach his son to hunt other living beings.

In a time like this, the community should take action. No child should be encouraged to be callous by being taught to kill, nor should children be instructed in the use of firearms, which enable them to wound, maim, and destroy. We have written to Gov. Janet Napolitano of Arizona asking her to ban children under the age of 18 from hunting. It makes them insensitive, damages the ecosystem, and causes the clear danger of familiarizing a child with gun use.

Though some firearms advocates protest that it is fine for a well-instructed child to wield a deadly weapon for the purpose of killing birds and deer, for instance, that is not the case. All school shooters had previously hunted and used guns. The FBI has found through interviews that 36 percent of murderers had tortured or killed animals before killing humans, and 46 percent had done so in adolescence.

We are asking Gov. Napolitano and the community to avoid "sticking to their guns," and to take this tragedy as a wake-up call. We can keep adults and children safe and healthy by not teaching kids to take "taking a life" lightly. You can read our letter to the Gov. Napolitano here.

Posted by Sean Conner

imagesofcolorado / CC

So, the president and CEO of Seattle-based Attachmate has found himself knee-deep in bison dung. No, really!

Software executive Jeff Hawn apparently warned the neighbors of his Colorado home to keep the bison off his property or else … and he meant it. According to CNN, Jeff alleged in a lawsuit that "the animals knocked his satellite television dishes off line and left poop, tracks, and hair on 'pristine pasture on rolling hills.'" Well, Mr. Hawn, maybe that's because they're … um … bison, and bison, well, have been known to walk around and poop, as shocking as that is. And it was their land, their home, before it was your land, your sprawling second luxury home.

Nine days after he filed this absurd suit, CNN reports, the first shots were fired and eventually the remains of 32 bison were found on Hawn's property. Law enforcement later found out that 14 hunters got a letter from Hawn giving them total permission to hunt the bison on his property. However, I'm guessing that he forgot about that whole "open range" law that Colorado has. Livestock can roam wherever they want, and if people don't want them around, they're encouraged to build a fence, not blow their brains out.

Luckily, money can't buy everything, and this lovely fellow has found himself smack dab in the middle of criminal court, charged with theft and 32 counts of aggravated animal cruelty. But now here's the kicker—one of Hawn's attorneys said that Hawn "had no other choice" but to get rid of the bison so that he could protect himself.

No other choice?!!?? The man is CEO of a major corporation and doesn’t know about options.

Well, luckily, the rest of Fairplay, Colorado, is outraged, as are we. Comment and tell us what you think about this mess of a situation, and we'll be sure to keep you updated.

Posted by Christine Doré

A new CNN article warning hunters against overexertion has renewed our most genuine concern over the sadly impaired genitalia of hunters. It seems the lack of sportsmanship involved in hunting (i.e., lounging around like couch potatoes with sophisticated weaponry for the short-lived murderous thrill of killing a defenseless creature) can be very exerting. Apparently, there's a huge adrenaline spike when Bambi is caught in the crosshairs. This has doctors worried that such bloodlust—coupled with clogged arteries—could "trigger a heart attack or even potentially worse a lethal heart rhythm disturbance." The poor dears! (Read: fortunate "deer"?)

But let's get this straight: Clogged arteries restrict blood flow to organs, and this can lead to organ malfunction. Oh my—so I guess that means that blood flow would be hindered to all organs—which means that any major/male organ could begin to malfunction. Yep, I think you smell what I'm steppin' in … the bizarre and common connection between animal abuse and impotence.

You heard it here first folks. So please, protect yourselves, protect your children: Quit huntin' and go vegan!

Posted by Missy Lane

smh / CC

Hasn't anyone ever told the Royal family that it's highly impolite not to answer letters? Lucky for animals, the beautiful, talented, and outspoken Pink is not discouraged that the Royals have failed to respond to her—not once, but twice!

Attempt 1: Five years ago, the longtime PETA supporter turned down an invitation from Prince William to perform at his 21st birthday party. She declined because of his hunting habits, and then posed a question of her own to the future king, asking him why he hunted animals at all. And … she's still waiting. Maybe he is too busy, or maybe he hasn't figured out why. You choose.

Even with her brand-new album, Funhouse, scheduled for release October 28 and an insanely hectic schedule, the singer has not forgotten about Prince William's lack of response, recently saying, "It's a bit rude, isn't it?"

Attempt 2: This time, Pink challenged The Queen. The star asked Queen Elizabeth II why the bear fur on The Queen's Guards' caps hasn't been replaced with a synthetic, cruelty-free material, as PETA Europe has suggested repeatedly.

Perhaps the Royal family needs to pass more Royal edicts, like this one from Prince Charles, who kicked foie gras off all Royal menus this year.

And seriously, respond to Pink's letter. She's waiting, PETA's waiting, and the bears are waiting. This rock star means business … have you seen that billboard in Times Square?!

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky

wikimedia / CC

Whoops-a-daisy, AIG. Looks like the insurance giant has been making a couple of teensy-weensy billion-dollar mistakes lately!

Let's see. First, American International Group (AIG) received $85 billion from the Federal Reserve last month in order to stay afloat … and then they reportedly treated their top agents to a $440,000 week at a fancy-schmancy spa. Investigators were not impressed.

But hey, we all make mistakes (though most of mine don't reach the six-figure range), so when AIG needed an additional $37.8 billion, the Federal Reserve was willing to hand over taxpayer money to help out.

And then AIG reportedly spent $86,000 on a hunting trip.

I have to confess here that I don't know how expensive hunting equipment is—I wouldn't come within 50 feet of that cruel and unnecessary "sport"—but something tells me that $86,000 might be a little much.

According to an AIG spokesman, the killing—I'm sorry, hunting—trip "was an annual event for customers" and was "planned months before the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's loan to AIG."

Yeah, I'm sorry, but maybe they should've thought about how this would look to taxpayers. "Gee, thanks for the $37 billion—I'm goin' to England to slaughter some animals!"

To put it mildly, people are rather miffed at AIG's cavalier spending habits. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino called the spa trip "despicable," and New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is investigating all these "unwarranted and outrageous expenditures," saying on Wednesday, "The party is over. No more hunting trips. No more luxury resorts. They are not going to have the party and leave the hangover for the taxpayers."

Poor AIG. They just can't get a break—oh, wait, they did, and then they decided to go hunting with it.

Posted by Amanda Schinke

blacksportsonline / CC

Retired/unretired/whatever NFL quarterback Brett Favre isn't just killing his team with big-game interceptions anymore! Now he's moved on to killing animals for fun in a pathetic attempt at a locker room "prank." According to the New York Times, Favre, who is "notorious for shenanigans involving lockers," is reported to have "shot (presumably), bagged and dumped" a dead animal, probably a wild turkey, in a teammate's locker "inside a bag that was filled with blood and guts."

Blood? Guts? HILARIOUS! What do you think he follows this one up with—the old "kitten in the microwave" gag? That one's a real knee-slapper too. I hate to be the one to tell you this, Brett, but people who think dead animals are funny don't typically end up in the Hall Of Fame—sometimes, they end up in custody.

There is, of course, nothing even remotely "sporting" about hunting. Imagine a game of football in which one team has pads, cleats, helmets, set plays, offensive and defensive coordinators—the whole nine yards (zing!), and meanwhile the other team is running around naked and unprepared (no, no, not the Lions). That's about as "competitive" as hunting deer with high-tech camouflage and a sniper rifle.

Some people call guys like Favre who use military-grade weaponry to kill defenseless animals "sportsmen." You know what I call them?

Cowards.

Posted by Dan Shannon

The jig is up, Sam. blackberrywallpapers / CC

What is the old saying? "Out of evil, no good shall come"? That's it. And it's been true up until now ….

The Tennessee Department of Human Services has recently notified more than 15,000 parents who are behind at least $500 in child support that they face losing their recreational-sports licenses if they don't pay up soon.

Does anyone else find this as hilarious as I do? All I can picture is some deadbeat dad swigging beer out in a field, stumbling around and pretend-shooting ducks because his hunting license was revoked. It's making me giggle, really.

Of course, it would be even better if all states that issue these kinds of notifications (or sell duck stamps) were to include information on why sport hunting is cruel and unnecessary (because deadbeats are apparently as oblivious to their own offspring as they are to Bambi's mom). Oh, and stuff a diminutive male genitalia disorder pamphlet in there as well. Knowledge is power, people!

Posted by Carrie Ann Harris

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At a middle school in Tiny Poplar, Wisconsin, a science teacher is encouraging his kids to shoot animals in the area and share stories of “the kill” with the rest of the class. If the kids eat the dead creatures, they’re allowed to post pictures of their accomplishment on a bulletin board in the classroom. And not a single person in the school gets how fundamentally, deeply screwed up this is.

After concerned members of the community contacted us about this disturbing practice, PETA’s Sangeeta Kumar wrote a letter to the school’s principal informing him of the well-documented link between violence against animals and criminal behavior against other humans (this is especially true when kids start killing at a young age), and asked that he at least include some information on humane treatment of animals in his curriculum so kids could learn that there are other, more enriching ways of interacting with wild animals than shooting at them.

We’re still chatting fairly amicably with the principal about this issue—but it’s frustrating going. You can read more about this (and leave a comment, if you feel so inclined) at TwinCities.com. Note the quote at the end where the school tries to justify this sordid practice with the argument that people used to do it 150 years ago. Kind of like how they used to own slaves and deny women the right to vote.

"I doubt there were many vegetarians 150 years ago. Why was it acceptable for their great grandfathers to hunt?"

Short answer: It wasn’t. I’ll let you know if we get anywhere with this.

In case any of you missed it, actor and gun-enthusiast Charlton Heston died over the weekend. So anyone who’s been patiently waiting in line to try and pry the guns from his cold, dead hands can go ahead and do so now. While part of me is sad to see one of my childhood heroes go (Ben Hur pretty much changed my life), I’m sure there are plenty of orphaned deer who don’t share those sentiments. Anyway, RIP Charlton H. I’m guessing they probably don’t allow people to hunt defenseless animals with high-powered assault rifles in heaven, but hopefully he’ll be able to find a more peaceful hobby in the afterlife.

Chieftan.com / CC

Fox News Atlanta is currently airing an investigation into the hideous practice of fox penning, in which animals—usually foxes, wildcats, or coyotes—are chased, cornered, and torn to shreds by hunting dogs. Penning events can last up to several days, with the hunters leaving the fenced-in area so that the dogs can “exercise.” You can watch the first part of the Fox investigation here, and learn more about this horrific blood sport on reporter Randy Travis’s blog. It’s great to see that this practice is being exposed for what it is, and hopefully the investigation, which is airing tonight, will go some way to getting it stopped forever.

Hunting has been on the decline for years, and CNN just reported that the latest numbers are that it’s down another 10% over the last ten years. Hunting in the water, err, I mean fishing, is also down around 15%. And call me crazy, but I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that while hunting and fishing numbers are steadily on the decline, new federal data shows surging numbers of birdwatchers, wildlife photographers and other wildlife watchers. They increased from 62.8 million in 1996 to 71.1 million in 2006.

Of course, as the numbers of hunters and fishers decline, so does the money in state wildlife agencies’ coffers, since most of their revenue comes from hunting and fishing licenses. And of course hunters and the agencies themselves are quick to go into panic mode, saying that “conservation” will suffer if these agencies don’t receive the money from hunting licenses, when in reality the only “conservation” they actually pay for is breeding more animals for hunters to blast into oblivion. So, perhaps it’s time for a policy shift here. I think it makes much more sense that wild areas be paid for out of regular taxes, since they sustain the earth and they are vital to life itself. It should be free and encouraged to watch birds and appreciate nature, and our state wildlife agencies shouldn’t be begging people to go out and kill animals simply so they can stay in business.

Man, it really is a bad time to be a hunter. First, CNN reports these new declining numbers, then the news that hunting may put men’s hearts at risk.

And perhaps most disturbing is the recently released DMGDRO report on the link between hunting and, how shall I put this … diminutive male genitalia, which, now that I think about it, may explain Dick Cheney’s obsession with playing with really big guns . . .

Cynical-C Blog/Creative Commons

It’s no secret that Karl Rove is no friend of animals. And given the current state of affairs, I guess it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that Dubya’s bag man plans to spend the days immediately following his resignation literally blowing the international symbol of peace into oblivion. That is, he’s going dove hunting.

As you might imagine, PETA Prez Ingrid Newkirk had a few things to say about that, including some friendly advice that next time Mr. Rove takes a hunting trip, he should invite Dick Cheney along with him.

And reportedly, after his Labor Day killing spree, err, hunting trip, Rove is going back to Washington to fetch his wife and dogs before driving to their home in Florida. I just hope he hasn’t gotten any advice about traveling with dogs from Mitt Romney . . .

OK, so it’s no secret how I feel about hunting.

But I just couldn’t resist this one. It seems that from the start, hunters have had trouble not shooting each other with their weapons . . . could it be that this was the world’s first hunting accident?

I hadn't been planning on writing too much more about Michael Vick, given that most people are on the same page that dogfighting is reprehensible and that if Vick is found to have any involvement in the sport—which is looking more and more likely—he needs to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. But this story I read on The Fanhouse today is just too much. Apparently, the much-maligned Falcons QB is building a second property near the site where 60 abused dogs were found more than a month ago. Vick's plans for the property? To build two horse stables on the land so that he can hunt deer. How is it that, with weeks of scrutiny focused on this guy related to deadly serious allegations of animal abuse, he seems to have completely failed to grasp the fact that now is just a really bad time for him to be seen in public acting out his apparent need to see animals suffer. How about making a donation to an animal charity? Or coming out publicly to talk about the horrors associated with dogfighting? No, Vick’s response to all the outrage is to throw himself into his work building a place where he can kill deer. Regardless of what the legal outcome of this case is, Vick has made it abundantly clear to anyone who's been following this story not just that he couldn't care less about animal abuse, but that he doesn't even see why it's a problem.