Happy Super Tuesday, everybody! While the frontrunning presidential candidates square off for this big 24-state battle, let’s take a moment to remember how we got here: Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, it’s Broccoli Obama, Celery Clinton, Mitt Ramen-y, Mike Huckleberry, and Dijon McCain! This version’s nice and short, but you can check out the whole feature at http://www.peta.org/feat/greenhouse/index.asp.

Arizona resident Alice Cooper

I'm never entirely sure whether one should say "a historic day" or "an historic day," but either way, yesterday was effin' historic, thanks in large part to the good people of Arizona, who in the past have brought us Alice Cooper, the 1 and 7 Arizona Cardinals, and cactuses (that's all that I could come up with that Arizona's famous for on short notice—I'm sure they've got more stuff). But the point is that yesterday, by 61 percent of the vote, gestation crates and veal crates were banned in the state! The measure will protect countless pigs and calves from excruciating confinement in these torture devices. This was despite the morally bereft but well-funded ass-hats in the agribusiness industry spending $2.5 million to defeat the proposition.

In the meantime, the consistently popular and well-liked state of Michigan, which is historically responsible for Lake Michigan and Three Men and a Baby's Tom Selleck (OK, sorry, I suck at this), voted overwhelmingly to support the 100-year tradition of protecting mourning doves from target shooting. This is a huge victory for birds and a nice little slap in the face for people who think it's a good idea to frickin' shoot at doves.

Michigan's state bird, the Mourning Dove

So if you know anyone from Arizona or Michigan, be sure to thank them for making such huge strides on behalf of animals, and if you are from AZ or MI yourself, great work! Now see what you can't do about getting some proper celebrities from your states.

Folks, it's Election Day tomorrow, and apparently I'm not allowed to vote just because I'm secretly British and don't have American citizenship. It all seems extremely unfair, being singled out this way. Nonetheless, in the spirit of democracy, here are some important propositions up for the vote that will directly affect the lives of animals, so if you live in any of the following states—regardless of your political proclivities—please think about them when you go to vote. If you don't want to do it for animals, do it for me, since I'm going to be stuck at home desultorily eating pizza and watching the last season of Prison Break while everyone else gets to go out into the brisk November air and wait in line to vote on the country's future.

In Arizona:
Vote YES on Proposition 204—Arizonans for Humane Farms is leading the charge to pass Prop 204, which would ban the intensive confinement of pregnant pigs and veal calves on industrialized factory farms. Prop 204 would prohibit the cruel confinement of baby calves in veal creates and give pregnant pigs enough room to extend their limbs.

In Colorado:
Vote YES on Amendment 38—The Petition Rights Amendment (Amendment 38) seeks to give citizens a more active role in shaping their democracy, which means that animal advocates in Colorado will have more power to use this tool to effect change without having to deal with the petty technicalities and bureaucracy currently used to reject petition signatures.

In Florida:
Vote NO on Amendment 3—Florida is one of 24 states that allows direct democracy by giving citizens access to place legislative measures on the statewide ballot. In the past this has resulted in landmark initiatives on behalf of animals, such as the first-ever ban on intensive confinement in factory farms in this country. Currently, big business interests are hoping to make it more difficult for voters to participate in this kind of direct democracy. If passed, Amendment 3 will significantly inhibit citizens' ability to amend their own state constitution.

In Michigan:
Vote NO on Proposal 3— Up until this year, Michigan had a 100-year tradition of protecting the mourning dove, Michigan's official bird of peace. That tradition is currently in danger, but voters can weigh in on the issue. By voting "no" on Proposal 3, you can ensure that doves are protected by law from being shot at in Michigan.