Oh, South Park. So irreverent, yet poignant! Consider last night's Whale Wars parody, in which Stan takes Captain Paul Watson's place in the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society and steps up the conservationists' campaign in a way only possible through cartoon violence. (Yes, there were explosions.)

Amidst the world's rightful outcry at the injustice of whaling, Stan fights the good fight—protecting whales from senseless slaughter—and along the way finds out the real reason why the Japanese government thinks it's A-OK to attack beloved marine life.

More commentary—with spoilers—after the jump.

From the folks at Ecorazzi comes the number-one reason for rushing out to see The Cove: It saves dolphins' lives.

The annual dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan, was supposed to start yesterday, but all's quiet in the cove:

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Compare that with last year at this time:

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Ric O'Barry, the famous former (and reformed) trainer of TV's Flipper, has been battling Taiji's dolphin slaughter for years. He reports that instead of being filled with dolphin killers, the cove was filled with news reporters, including—for the first time ever—Japanese film crews.

Looks like Japan's dirty secret is no longer a secret.

Posted by Alisa Mullins

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"[A] living, breathing movie whose horrifying disclosures feel fully earned."
—The New York Times

"To watch bleeding dolphins struggle for their last breath, to actually hear their agony, is devastating. … [Y]ou feel culpable just for being part of the species that can teach another mammal tricks, reward it with snacks and pats and at the same time be capable of getting up at dawn to poke it to death with spears."
—Time

"[O]ne of the most powerful, heartfelt, and (yes, I'll say it) important 'nature' documentaries I've ever seen."
—Cinematical

"[T]he footage is so horrifying, the facts so disturbing. It's not that you can't believe it, but that you don't want to."
—The Huffington Post

When this movie hits theaters near you, go!

Posted by Shawna Flavell

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"Would you go to see a brilliant actor who's been framed for something that he didn't do, and put him on a stage and say he's going to do Hamlet for you, and why don't you enjoy it? That's a hell of an analogy, but it's about the same thing."

That's what comedian Jerry Stiller had to say as he was leaving a screening of The Cove, a documentary about the annual slaughter of thousands of dolphins in Taiji, Japan. During the slaughter, some of the young dolphins are captured and sent to aquariums to be put on display. But Stiller won't be going to see them—and neither will many of the other people who see this powerful movie.

Look for The Cove at a theater near you on July 31.

Posted by Amanda Schinke

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The folks who scoffed at our proposal to buy SeaWorld and convert its facilities into non-animal theme parks might reconsider their stance after reading about the real cost of having these parks continue with business as usual.

Last week, we received word from a whistleblower that a dolphin named Dixie, who is exploited in SeaWorld's Discovery Cove "swim with dolphins" attraction in Orlando, gave birth to a stillborn infant. What's more, even though SeaWorld knew that Dixie was due to give birth, the park apparently did not have a veterinarian available for Dixie at any point during or after her labor. She was forced to endure this traumatic experience—and its aftermath—without proper care.

This information came to us just a few short weeks after another dolphin, Scarlet, and her unborn fetus died at Discovery Cove. In that case, we were told that the necropsy revealed that Scarlet's uterus had ruptured while she was pregnant, causing the calf to be released into her body cavity.

These disgraceful incidents clearly show that SeaWorld and other aquariums don't really care about the well-being of the animals they incarcerate, so we have filed a complaint with the USDA calling for investigations into Scarlet's death and the lack of care provided to Dixie.

We'll keep you posted. In the meantime, if you're going to Florida this summer (or any other time), there are lots of great places to visit where your money won't go toward hurting smart, sensitive animals.

Posted by Jeff Mackey

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The good folks over at Animal Makers are up to their old tricks. By "tricks," we mean creating amazingly lifelike animatronic models that stand in for real animals in movies and advertisements. Oh, and now we can add that they stand in for real dolphins in "swim with" therapy programs.

We're generally not fans of anything to do with swimming with dolphins (unless it involves a boat and scuba gear out in the middle of the ocean). That's because hotels and aquariums that offer people the chance to "swim" with dolphins really mean that you get to sit with a dolphin in a swimming pool—a pool that is essentially the equivalent of a bathtub to an animal who would naturally swim dozens of miles a day. In addition to the criminal lack of exercise and mental stimulation, captive dolphins are suspected of being driven mad by the sound of their sonar, which constantly bounces off the tank walls.

But thanks to Animal Makers, kids with cerebral palsy, autism, Down syndrome, and other developmental disorders will get a chance to interact with "TADs" (therapeutic animatronic dolphins) that move and even make squeaky dolphin noises at a new facility that is being built in Florida.

Kids get to play with really cool life-like robots, dolphins get a break. It doesn't get any better than that.

Posted by Alisa Mullins

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Tons! No, we didn't mean it like that. Jessica knows what it's like to live in a fishbowl, and although she may not be the brightest bulb in the room, we're hoping that she might empathize with whales and dolphins who are forced to be on display their entire lives and cancel her upcoming performance at SeaWorld.

Considering her stint on the MTV reality show Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica—and the relentless scrutiny that she's under 24/7—we think that Jessica might be able to relate to the whales, dolphins, and other miserable animals at SeaWorld whose every move is gawked at and snickered over as if they were on some bad reality TV show. At least, we hope she can.

Read the letter that we sent to Jessica via her papa, Joe, asking her to support the dolphins and to cancel her upcoming show at SeaWorld.

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C'mon, it makes more sense than Dollywood! And it could really happen—now that Anheuser-Busch is being taken over by InBev, a Belgium-based beverage giant, and InBev is thinking of selling SeaWorld to finance the new business venture.

PETA sent a letter to the CEO of InBev this morning offering to buy the marine mammal parks and their captive animals, thanks to a very generous PETA donor. Have we mentioned before how compassionate and amazing our donors and supporters are?!

Just don't expect penguin enclosures, sting-ray petting tanks, or hoop-jumping dolphins. PETA's vision is to turn the animal-exploiting money-maker into an educational non-animal theme park with state-of-the art virtual marine mammal displays that are so realistic that it's as if you're nose to snout with Flipper. And the animals currently held captive in the parks would be rehabilitated in coastal sanctuaries before being released back into their natural environments—a place many of the mammals remember fondly from before they were captured, sent to flounder (geddit?) in SeaWorld's small pools, and forced to perform mindless tricks, over and over and over and over and over again, for the amusement of little children.

Virtual reality technology has become so advanced that there is absolutely no need to make animals suffer or to put them in danger for human enjoyment or education. 3-D effects put us right in the action—and make us feel as if we're swimming in the cold Pacific with the great whites. It's safe for the animals, and you don't have to worry about losing a leg or being painfully stung by jellyfish.

You can read our full letter to InBev under the cut.

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky