How do you think David Letterman should handle the media frenzy regarding his admissions of office affairs and an extortion plot?

1. Allow Paul Shaffer to take over hosting duties while he takes his family on vacation to a remote island
2. Plant some panties in Conan's out-box
3. Admit that "Too Much Sex Can Be a Bad Thing" in a PETA ad, à la porn star Ron Jeremy, and encourage people to spay and neuter their animal companions

Choose "C"? We did too, so we sent a letter asking Letterman to do just that. Keep your fingers crossed.

Posted by Karin Bennett

missbakerbiologyclass / CC

A female manatee and her nine suitors made quite a splash on Sunday night for some beachgoers in Miami. The sea cows' amorous affair turned into a sort of seaside peep show.

Ah, horny manatees. Conan O'Brien loves 'em, and after a late night tryst of that, ahem, magnitude, is it any wonder why? They are vigorous vegetarian lovers, after all.

In fact, I'd like to think the manatees came ashore to demonstrate their vegetarian vitality to onlookers and inspire them to rev up their love lives by swapping steak for seitan and cows' milk for soy milk. After all, a vegetarian diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains helps keeps the blood flowing through all the arteries.

Say, "So long, Viagra!" and "Viva, veggie Viagra!"

Conan O'Brien, if you're out there—we'll keep our eye out for more manatee love sessions, and you just let us know if you need info to include on your Web site.

Posted by Karin Bennett

As arguably tasteless as he may be, Triumph the Insult Dog from the Late Night With Conan O'Brien show made some excellent points in his coverage of the recent Belmont Stakes. As I've pointed out before with humor articles and videos, they often sneak in a few insightful points about whatever act or industry they've set in their crosshairs. In the few moments when he's not busy insulting virtually every attendee of the Belmont Stakes, Triumph does just that.

The horseracing industry is just another instance of the same mentality behind dogfighting (although Triumph may have said so less eloquently). The difference is that horses are raced and killed out in the open.

Besides a chuckle, what I took away from this video was a sense of how unimportant horseracing itself is to the Belmont Stakes. Most of what I saw was just noticeably intoxicated people standing in the hot sun, cracking wise and goofing off. I've enjoyed (and been) this very spectacle at every low-cost local beer garden or outdoor concert I've ever stumbled home from. I don't recall once stopping to think how desperately the event needed horses running in a giant loop to complete the experience.

To see Triumph in all his potty-mouthed glory, check out the video here:

Posted by Sean Conner