I’ve been following the continued exploits of the black bear who’s been showing up at all of Prince Charles’ appearances in the Caribbean lately, to help remind the Brits that the Queen’s Guard’s regiments should make their hats out of, well, something that’s not bears. Shenanigans have been unfolding on the trip with a good degree of regularity, and the reports from the bear and her companion, Melissa, make for excellent reading. Here’s an example from last week:

Subject: Report from Montego Bay, 3-13 - PETA bear crashes royal party!

Today we drove 4 hours to Montego Bay where we’d arranged for a boat to take us as close as possible to The Prince’s yacht, The Leander. When we arrived security was familiarly tight so, we asked around and discovered C&C were having a party at the same resort, right near the beach where we’d board.

Here’s a photo near The Leander.

Then we headed back to the resort JUST in time for the party but we had to be subtle so, the bear laid down in the boat as we approached:

We disembarked just steps from the royals’ reception:

And were greeted by some of the children there to perform and greet the royals:

And then we just walked in…

We mingled with a few guests.

The band

More of the children, of course.

And even British members of the press who refused to take photos of us. So, we took photos of them.

Then we were spotted by one of Charles’s chief security officers. We know him. He knows us. :)

These people seem not to like bears seeing as they kill them and kick them out of parties.

We were escorted off premises.

And we were interrogated for a long while.

Because we’d reserved the boat ahead of time and paid the resort, threats of being charged with trespassing didn’t stick. Tomorrow we return to Kingston, home of Bob Marley.

I'm sure the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is going to be pretty great and all, but do they let you choose how the story ends? I didn't think so. And it probably doesn't even have a talking British monkey in it. Fortunately, PETA has come to the rescue again, and, with the new Pirates movie coming out today, it's just in the nick of time. A few credits first—as Nicole (who did the voice of the Nugget) said she would never speak to me again if I didn't mention her. The rest of the fine voice work was done by Dale, Dan, and yours truly as the monkey. Check it out.