I want to start off today by talking about the veggie burger I created at a barbeque last night. Here's how it worked: 1 Boca burger, 1 Chik'n patty, a ton of Bac'n bits, 2 slices of soy cheese, a healthy dose of vegenaise, guacamole, lettuce, and tomatoes. In just one sitting, I devoured three different fake animals, and it was amazing. Word on the street is that the folks over at PETA's Veg Cooking website are going to be coming out with a food blog in the next couple of months, so I expect that—since it seems fairly clear that I am some kind of culinary genius—they will be wanting me as a consultant. If they ask nicely, I may even share with them my recipe for tater tots and ketchup.

Anyway, as today is day 5 of Be Kind to Animals Week, it seemed like as good a time as any to make the point that the single easiest and most effective way of being kind to animals is only eating fake ones. They've got pretty much every kind of fake animal these days, and I like to cook the little suckers up with garlic and douse them in steak sauce. And for anyone who holds themselves to a higher culinary standard than me (which, honestly, most people do), there are a ton of great vegan recipes on the aforementioned Veg Cooking website. Also, if you haven't come across it already, you should check out the Vegan Lunchbox blog. That lady seriously knows what she's doing.

Yeah, sure, we were pretty happy to get a front page article in The New York Times about the major animal welfare changes Burger King has announced. The AP, USA Today, and BBC stories were pretty great too. But ever since we first heard from Burger King that they were going to make this announcement, everyone at PETA has been holding their breath to see if we would make The Onion. And today, that dream came true. Click the picture below from The Onion's exclusive interview with Customer Support Operator Derrick Braswell for the full story:

Derrick Braswell,
Customer Support Operator
"But the cages were what pushed all the flavor tight into the animals."