Apr01
PETA Launches Victimless Nuggets
Posted at 11:19 AM | Permalink
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Comments (34)
We’re debuting our very first branded food product today, and, being PETA, we figured we’d do something that would make a bit of a splash. We’re launching Newkirk Nuggets™ (patent pending), a cutting edge (and surprisingly delicious) animal-meat alternative created by cloning cells from an upper arm biopsy of PETA President Ingrid Newkirk who is “100% free range, grain fed, white meat.” It’ll be a little while before these bad boys appear in grocery stores, but we’re planning to generate some buzz about the new product by handing out free samples outside KFC restaurants here in Virginia, in the hopes that fast-food lovers with a taste for flesh will choose our “100 Percent Human(e) Alternative” instead of chowing down on the tortured remains of chickens inside a KFC. As Ingrid says, “They say everything tastes like chicken, and now so do I.”
The breakthrough has been in the making for 11 years in laboratories spread across three countries, working to grow animal tissue with the taste, texture and, most difficult of all, the “skin depth” or muscle mass of fish and chicken. According to the experts: “The tissue was taken from Ingrid’s upper arm and cultured in a “nutrient soup” of mushrooms, human collagen and soy broth to form myoblasts. The myoblasts reproduce rapidly to form ¾-inch-thick sheets of what PETA calls “100 per cent victimless meat.”
I know, it sounds a wee bit gross at first, but I suspect that anyone who really knows how meat is processed will welcome this safe, humane, and tasty alternative. Check it out:
TAGGED:
kfc Newkirk human nuggets
Comments
Interesting, but no thanks.
I have been eating vegetarian/vegan long enough not to want to try this.(and it does sound sort of gross, to me.)
But, interesting and it may take off with meat eaters who want to go vegetarian/vegan but miss the meat too much or dont know how to live with out it. Some may want to eat it because its a novelty to eat a part of Ingrid. I think it may sell better if it was cloned Chicken or Fish.
I say if you can find the market for it, and it saves animals, Great!
Just not for me.
Posted by: Holly | April 1, 2008 12:07 PM
Let me guess...
April Fool?
Posted by: BullyDawg | April 1, 2008 12:08 PM
You guys are so funny.....good one!!! Happy April Fools Day fellow veggies.....Erin~
Posted by: erin | April 1, 2008 12:19 PM
Good one! (tee hee)
Posted by: Michele | April 1, 2008 12:24 PM
Happy April Fools Day to Ingrid!
You are much loved Ingrid, for your contributions which are helping turn the tide towards a more compassionate society.
Posted by: Glen Venezio | April 1, 2008 12:27 PM
April Fool's!!!
Posted by: Jay | April 1, 2008 12:38 PM
Yeah, um....April Fools? Please? Right? I mean, it has to be right?? Right??? Otherwise, ew.
Posted by: Karen | April 1, 2008 12:43 PM
Good one! Happy April Fools' Day!
On a serious note, did anyone see that article about animal-derived drugs in The New York Times today? And I quote, "A herd of superpigs is being bred by scientists at the Mayo Clinic. The N.I.H. is helping finance the Mayo effort...The hope is that those pigs and their offspring may provide a variety of useful parts, including entire pig hearts for human transplant, as an alternative to human hearts that are in short supply."
That is no joke, for humans and especially for pigs.
What about all of the perfectly good human body parts that end up six feet under in $10,000 caskets because people don't become organ donors?
Keep up the great work, Jack & everyone at PETA.
Posted by: Catherine | April 1, 2008 12:55 PM
That's really funny! They look yummy, but I couldn't bring myself to eat cloned human turned into nuggets.
I like the name Newkirk Nuggets though. If you can find a non-human source and market, I'd buy them.
Posted by: Beth Freeman | April 1, 2008 01:06 PM
eewwww
Posted by: Cali | April 1, 2008 01:10 PM
O_o
Posted by: Dr.Breen | April 1, 2008 02:17 PM
so now cannibalism is possible?
Posted by: Dr.Breen | April 1, 2008 02:20 PM
Mmmm...I can't wait to, um, try that... ;)
(Just don't tell me about the sauce that comes with it)
Posted by: Maya, CVT | April 1, 2008 03:12 PM
Catherine - it doesn't surprise me. Do you know, in vet tech school we were shown catalogues where you can buy lab mice.
Talk about little shop of horrors, you could buy mice that had been induced with all kinds of cancers, diabetes, genetic disorders, it was just like any catalog you would buy from.
It was when a lab "scientist" visited our class. She was soooo proud of this thing and acted like it was so cool that we could buy these poor poor frankencritters. Hideous - the things they come up with.
Posted by: Maya, CVT | April 1, 2008 03:17 PM
Good one, PETA! Love the packaging design. LOL
Posted by: Mike Quinoa | April 1, 2008 03:20 PM
Too bad it's a joke. I would dig into some tasty human flesh anyday!
Posted by: Lenore | April 1, 2008 04:02 PM
What a PITI (People for the Inethical Treatment of Ingrid).
Posted by: W. Scott | April 1, 2008 04:23 PM
I'm so relieved that this is an April fools joke, I was feeling more with every word I read.
Posted by: Sonia | April 1, 2008 10:39 PM
I've always been a big fan of April Fools day and am pretty good at spotting pranks...but this one actually had me going for a few seconds. Well played.
Posted by: Phobosblack | April 2, 2008 12:04 AM
You kinda had me going there for awhile til I got to the mushrooms and soy broth! I forgot it was April Fools Day.
But seriously, it's just conditioning that makes us not wince at the idea of eating animal flesh in the same way we do at the thought of eating Ingrid's flesh.
Posted by: lynda downie | April 2, 2008 01:35 AM
It's made out of People!!!! Human(e)? Humanely killed humans, thats what it says. So PETA finally admits to hating people.
Posted by: Will DeJaungo | April 2, 2008 04:39 PM
Is that not bordering on cannibalism??
Posted by: Hayle | April 2, 2008 08:50 PM
Since there is very little difference in muscle fibers of different species, which constitutes "meat," one could easily understand the confusion regarding this well done April Fool's joke.
Cannibalism is merely a variation of carnivorism and has been practiced by many cultures throughout history, including a few in "modern" times.
There is no ethical argument for eating meat...end of discussion.
Posted by: Derek | April 3, 2008 09:20 AM
why the hell would this be a joke?
Posted by: emily | April 3, 2008 09:55 AM
Haha... :)
I just placed my order that should last me through the rest of 2008.
Posted by: HannaBanana | April 3, 2008 04:16 PM
Well put, Derek, as always!
Posted by: lynda downie | April 4, 2008 12:10 AM
lol look at the date? it was an april fools joke? and a damn funny one! although I'd love to see you guys actually feed some fatty at kcf a human(e) nugget and then tell them they just ate part of a people
Posted by: Angela | April 4, 2008 01:58 AM
Ha! Good one. As I kept reading I felt all my values in life crashing down...hmmm...its kinda spooky isnt it? Good one though gotta say...Good job everyone on the Gucci-seal fur matter! :)
Posted by: dimos | April 4, 2008 08:22 AM
ewww, i didn't get it at first, now i do.. lol.. good job!
Posted by: ken | April 12, 2008 02:33 AM
Lol god this is creepy, kind of freaked me out at first till I learned it was a joke. I honestly am having problems becoming a vegetarian so if they brought something out like this, obviously not from human cells and of course humane, it wouldn't be a bad idea.
Posted by: Craig | April 14, 2008 12:18 PM
oh wow, I thought this was REAL until I looked at the comments, but good April Fools prank you really REALLY had me going!!!
Posted by: Molly | April 19, 2008 10:22 PM
The 'skin tissure' part put me off
But these people spent over a decade researching endlessly, and Newkirk was willing to pay for the price of animal rights in blood.
Yes, I will definitely get some as soon as they hit Hong Kong.But I'm leaving the human flesh part for my mom to find out herself. Like she even listens if I told her.
Posted by: Lotus | April 26, 2008 01:51 AM
I hope this is real cause I can't wait to try them please please please can it be true please!!!!! Lea
Posted by: lea | April 27, 2008 03:20 AM
Ummm.. I'll stick to morning star thanks.
OH COME ON! If it isnt ok to eat chickens what makes it ok to eat human cells!??
Posted by: Amber | May 4, 2008 12:00 PM